May 20, 2013
Q
I'm worried about my friend. She very feminine, but works in a male dominated field and has always been "one of the guys." She always says that she is "not like other girls" who bring up small things that bother them in relationships, and thinks that any problem that bothers her is just her problem. She also hates being "irrational" because thats a thing that "crazy girls" do (her words not mine). Anyway (1/2)
Anonymous
A

(2/2) Her boyfriend is always making her feel bad because she has feelings and emotions, and whenever she is angry about something he asks if she is on her period. He makes her feel bad whenever something in the relationship bothers her because he tells her about all the other “crazy girls” he used to date. How can I make her see that her feelings are valid, to stop hating herself for having emotions, and help her deal with this guy?
Present her with studies, facts, information, statistics. This sounds a lot like self loathing. Have you flat out discussed this with her?

May 20, 2013
Q
After 6 years of being in long term relationships (since I was 14) I know I need to be single for a while to get to know myself and make decisions without having to consider someone else. But I'm in a 1.5 year relationship right now and we love and understand each other, but I know that it won't be forever because we want different things out of life. The question is just when and I don't want to face it. What do you think I should do?
closetcreative
A

Have you discussed this with your SO? If you two want different things out of life, chances are he has also seen this. You two genuinely need to talk about this, and decide then what to do about the relationship.

May 20, 2013
Q
So, I'm definitely not saying that all subs are like this. But I'm pretty sure that being submissive during sex only turns me on because I have really low self esteem and internalized misogyny. I'm not even attracted to guys outside of very specific sexual situations, but the thought of one humiliating and beating me is super hot for me. Like I said, I think it's a self esteem and sexist thing. How do I address that in myself?
Anonymous
A

Look into therapies designed for low self esteem. Empowering martial arts classes, etc. This is something you genuinely have to study and work on within yourself, if it is something you want to change.

April 30, 2013
Q
it's more of a sneaking around thing. We're getting married in december and we don't personally have problems with sex before marriage (in fact we think it's healthy) but our respective roommates emphatically disagree to a disgusting extent. so it's mostly in the car. and having condoms in the car is stupid because they degrade. so i guess we should just move another step back.. we were having sex before i got off implanon (unhealthy weight gain) but now we're worried about babies.. obviously.
Anonymous
A

Okay, then, I’d absolutely just remember to be careful. Sperm is actually pretty hearty- it can live several hours in the air and up to a week inside of a vagina. 

April 30, 2013 • 1 note
Q
Hey big sister. I'm sorry I'm just gonna dive right in but me and my fiance are trying really hard to not have sex now that I'm not on birth control but he was worried and now I'm worried that if I play with myself after giving him head and getting stuff on my fingers I'll get pregnant. I would think it would be nearly impossible but should I be worried about it and not do it again?
Anonymous
A

It is possible, and is something you should avoid if you can. Can you guys use condoms or are those out as well? 

April 18, 2013
Q
Thank you. Very very much. I'm going to call for sure. Thank you. Thank you so much.
orie-ana
A

It’s no problem at all. Thank you for doing something about it- seriously.

April 18, 2013
Q
Okay. I will try that. (Last I heard him and his supervisor were chums. But they might have replaced that guy by now or any number of things. And if need be I can go to corporate.) May I ask your advice once more in helping me to figure out what to say? I have no idea how I would word this so as to accuse but also not accuse him. Enough to get action taken but not to get him in trouble if he actually has done no wrong. Please. And thank you for everything so far. I know it isn't an easy subject.
orie-ana
A

Say “I’ve heard that my brother is taking advantage of underaged, inebriated employees in a sexual way. I am aware that that is rape, and as this involves the workplace I wanted to go to you to see if something could be done to prove or disprove his innocence before I involve the police.”

April 18, 2013
Q
That's the thing, I don't know these girls, I don't know if they would tell him that I asked about this. If he found out and told my mom she would likely throw me out of the house. He is her precious baby, always and no matter what. I so want to ask them though. But it's not something I can just walk into his work and ask at the register. They arnt to be my friends. (I'm still lost as to the exact thing to do, but honestly you are helping me to no end. Your advise is great and thank you for it.)
orie-ana
A

Say to his supervisor you’ve heard rumors, and that you’d like him to look into it- and mention your willingness to get the cops involved if he won’t look into it. Even if you don’t have evidence, the supervisor doesn’t know that, and because the supervisor knows, he is now liable. If the supervisor does nothing, contact the owner or corporate. 

April 18, 2013
Q
I don't know any of them. I have never talked with any of them before. I doubt popping up and being like 'Hey (name)! um, has my brother ever gotten you drunk enough to pass out and then raped you?" is going to get a responce. I'm afraid of him finding out if I did ask or report. I'm more afraid of my mom finding out. I'm afraid no one will open up to me about it because he is my brother. I mean, I wouldn't go have a chat with my rapists sister if she asked. I wouldn't know if I could trust her.
orie-ana
A

Say to one of them “Look, I’ve heard some things and I really want to do something about it but I need to know if these allegations are true.”

April 18, 2013
Q
I would like to report him. But if I do, and they question the girls that work with him, and they say nothing, nothing will happen. What's most likely to happen based on my own works reactions to such things, nothing. I can't do the minimum. The minimum doesn't do anything. And I honestly don't know if this is true. My mom often says things and then takes them back within a week. He fits the profile (in my mind) of a rapist. But I feel like I shouldn't take action without absolute proof.
orie-ana
A

Do you know any of the girls he works with? Can you talk with them?